im learning

to balance smiles with pain

im learning

to get over the old and start with the new

im knowing

to start over

its finally

its ABOUT time

i RESTART this SHIT

cheers to my NEW life .

to love some one
is to have them love you back
is to have to love them truely
is to look at them in the eyes knowing it will be forever
is to know that your happy with him/her♥

고독한 발렌타인

wiil YOU be my Valentiines♥

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

고독한 발렌타인

diidnt attend school

suddenly had a sudden craving for strawberry dipped chocolates

ii'm wiith my beloved sarah jiie right now..

mwarks..

love her so much

watching jennifers body

and waiting for mCdeliviery man to deliver our MCFluriiiee Oreo's 

miss hiim so much

나는 그것을 승인하고 결코 싶지 않았다
i never wanted to admit it

나는 우리가 이것 같이 끝내고 있었다는 것을 결코 생각하지 않았다
i never thought we were ending like this

그러나 나는 말하는 것을 얻었다
but i gotta say

나는 아직도 당신을 사랑한다
i still love you

영원히
forever

항상
always

나는
i do




나는 나가 오늘 무슨을 기억할 수 없다
i can't remember what i did today

나는 당신의 외침을 기다리고 있었다
i was waiting for your call

그리고 아무것도 하기 높은 쪽으로 끝나
and ended up doing nothing

나는 진짜로 나의 마음에서 당신을 놓친다
i really miss you and in my mind

나는 아직도 당신의 심상을 볼 수 있다
i can still see the images of you

사람들 미소를 모르는
those who doesn't know smiles

그리고 해 당신이 어떻게 인지 질문하는가?
and asks how are you doing?

낱말 " breakup" 아직도 생소하다
the word break up is still unfamiliar

이렇게 나는 그것에 관하여 아무것도를 말할 수 없었다
so i could not say anything about it

나는 분쇄에 대해 여전히 배우지 않았다
i still haven't learned about breaking up

그리고 무슨 슬픔이 의미하는 아직도 확실하지 않음
and still not sure what sadness means

비록 당신이 저를 당분간 남겨두더라도 아직도
still even if you leave me for now


나는 여전히 그것을 믿지 않을 것입니다
i still won't believe it

눈물은 나오지 않을 것입니다
Tears won't come out


비록 슬픈 노래 보다는 오히려 사기 같은 소리가 나더라도, 아직도
still, even if it sounds like a lie rather than a sad song

조금씩 아직도 나는 느낄 수 있다
still i can feel, little by little,

지금 나는, 처음인 나 짐작한다 울고 있다
now that i'm crying, i guess that's the begining

나는 이 실소 기억에 있는 그것, 당신 및 I를 다시 감고 싶다
i wanna rewind it, you and I in this laughing memory

저의 주위에 감싸는 외로움 및 나는 밤을 눈물에 잠겨 보낸다
the loneliness wrapping around me and i spend the night in tears

당신은 나의 마음에서 종일 오래 머무르고,
you have lingered in my mind all day and,

당신은 떠나고 나는 그것에 관하여 아무것도를 할 수 없었다
you've left and i can't do anything about it

지금 나는 당신을 붙잡고 싶다
now i want to catch you

그러나 지금 나는 당신이 아닌 경우에, 사랑할 수 없다
but now ii can't love , if it's not you

나는 나가 당신을 볼 때 놓친다, 당신은 후에 미소할 것입니다
i miss when i would look at you, and you would smile back


나가 알맞은 사람이 아니었다 는 사실은 나의 마음에, 아직도 오래 머무른다
the fact that i wasn't a decent person, still lingers on my mind

그리고 나는 그것을 후회하는 것을 계속한다
and i keep regretting that

그것이 이 다량을 아플 것이라는 점을 결코 알지 않아다
never knew it would hurt this much


결코 알지 말라
never know

먼저 의미한 무슨을 나가 알고 있던 경우에
if i knew what it meant earlier

시간을 다시 감으십시오
Rewind the time

이렇게 나는 할 수 있었다
so i could

당신을 제지하십시오
hold you back

그리고 당신을 간다 결코 시키지 말라
and never let you go

나가 세계의 끝에 서 있을 때
when i was standing at the end of the world

그리고 경로를 볼 수 없었다
and couldn't see the path

나는 누군가를 필요로 했다
i needed someone

나가 암흑에서 덫을 놓을 때
when i was trapped in the darkness

그리고 빛을 볼 수 없었다
and couldn't see the light

나는 원조를 기다리고 있었다
I was waiting for the helping hand

당신은 당신이 세계에서 유일한 것살다는 것을 모를 것입니다
you wouldn't know that you are the only one in the world

세계 보다는 더 나은 단지 1개
only one more better than the world

나는 당신과 저를 위한 꿈을 믿는다
i believe dreams for you and me

당신은 나의 통풍이 좋은 일에 있는 긴 기다려진 비이다
you are the long waited rain in my draughty day

당신은 나의 심혼을 적시고 저에게 용기를 주었다
you soaked my heart and gave me courage

비행거리가 당신에 의하여 저에게 하고 다시 미소한다
you make me fly and smile again

나에게 팔 및 주기 들어오십시오
come into my arms and giving

조용히 행복 다만 샤워 후에 무지개 같이
happiness silently just like a rainbow after a shower

나는 사랑을 만들고 싶다
i wanna make a love

당신과 가진 이야기
Story with You

나는 도망쳤다는 것을 당신이 알아낼 때
when you found out that i ran away

아마 당신은
perhaps you were dissapointed

나는 돌아오는 용기가 있었다
i had courage to come back

당신이 거기 있었기 때문에
because you were there

당신은 나의 심혼에서 항상 인 것살이었다
you're the one thats always in my heart


고독한 밤
lonely night

그것은 끝없는 통풍이 나쁜 어두운 밤 이다
it is and endless and stuffy dark night

그들은 나가 혼자 운 일이다
those are the days when i cried alone

사람들의 사기에 있는 어두운 밤 도중
during the dark nights in the lies of the people

단지 나의 얕은 심혼만 누구가 아플 것입니다지
who would only hurt my shallow heart

그리고 나의 심혼에는 초안이 있고 있었다
and my heart was having a draught

그러나 그것은 좋다,
but that is okay,

당신은 방법을 만든다
you make a way

항상 저를 인도할 사람은 이다
the person who will always be guiding me is
당신
You


단지 살기의 이유
The reason of only living
당신
You




나의 사막 안에 당신은 나의 오아시스이다
within my desert you are my oasis


단 초콜릿
The sweetest chocolate

Daniiel Phua [RIP]

you were our classmate
you were our friend
most of all
you were like our brother.
someone who cheered us up when we were down
someone who annoyed us too
- but hey thats wht friends are for.
its been a few months since the whole class and friends including me
hadn't seen you..
- we didn't even get a chance to have our last talk
- we didn't even knew it was coming; you neither
- we didn't had a chance to say goodbye


for some of us
we were old time friends
memories were too much

for some of us
we knew each other in a short period of time
like me
even so,
the memories were treasured..
the memories with you; with us
the memories never forgotten


as they passed and brought along the news
we were all gobsmacked,
we were all shocked; is this a joke?!
-no

such a young age..
we weren't aware of your sickness getting that serious either
why didn;t you tell us?
good old daniel?..
not wanting to wory us..
Damn:(.

you were a strong boy
♥
you hadn't had enough of the world
the lively cheerful Stupid SILLY daniel phua?
-GONE??...

we were all saddened by this news
- it brought tears to our eyes,
- knowing we lost someone special
- a close friend, a brother, a family.


we will always miss you
we will always love you
we will always think of you

F O R E V E R
we will keep you alive in our hearts.



On behalf of Your Friends and me myself,
Freda.

we would like to say

Daniel Phua
may you Rest In Peace.

we will never forget you.
long live your memories in our hearts.

even as i am typing this now
tears rolls down my cheeks.

Daniel Goodbye
but not forever.


we miss you already.
♥

if only a miracle happened,
please come back
its too soon for you..

we miss you

♥
真的想念你双手
真的想念和你玩
真的想念你的笑
真的希望我有机会和你在次在一起

keong di di arkk :(!! Brandyy.. haiz mizz u..

Keong Diidii:我要mcfluriie等人请
等着我的keong弟弟买给我不过要等很久

Brandiie:where had the time go?
will you visit me in my dreams? i miss your face, i miss your voice
seriously, where had all the love gone to?!!!!...
when will you comiiing back down here?!!! or do u want me to accompany u up there?
how is it like up there? ii hope ur happy..
but the time for u came too soon.
ii will always wait for you, love you as my own sister. Love you My lil sissy..
now, i only have photo's of you to see you...

原谅我

我不确定你昨晚对我说的是否真的.

你真的如持决定吗？

是否真心说的呢？

或者是暂时性的决定？

告诉我..

我真的想知道.

我快疯了.

只是让你知道.

我穿越世界

只是想听你的声音

我会从城市到城市奔跑，只为了见你♥


* ****************** *
*
*
*
*
::♥:: ::♥::
::♥::

::♥::24/7 你是我的天堂::♥::

::♥::24/7 未忘记过::♥::

::♥::原谅我::♥::

::♥::

*
*
*
*********************



没想到那段感情就这样随风而去


每次都想到我们的过去


我笑到受伤了，


但却没理会 .....


我知道爱你会受很大的伤


我会把握这个机会


我会去冒这段冒险


我会经过一切




不过我想得到新的机会在于你相爱


我试过不想你很久了


不过就算我与别人在一起


你的样子一直在我脑里旋转


你的名字, 就像无法抹走在我心里活着


我真的很爱你,我无法让你走


不过我再烦恼 ..


为何我是第一个找你?


不过你却没来?









。 。 。 只 因 为 爱 你 。 。 。

让我说对不起.因为一开始.我就是那个责备的人,离不开你~

我们相爱就是幸福♥

说实话，我真的不能让你走.

不过我希望你在你新的生活里能开心 就算我做了什么事情,

我也只爱你

天天都爱你 就算非常困难我也要慢慢放开你

只要让你知道.就这样

아무도는 이해한다

together,
will you take my hand?
together,
let make our own frame.
Together,
lets make new memories
together,
lets say we'll stay together
together,
let's remain like this forever

today, teacher always came in late to class..
eng leong kept walking pass by
urging me to come out to have a chat

i walked on out
and he talked about my problems
i knew he tried to help
well he did, he talked with me
and that felt nice. nice to have someone to talk to
THANKS eng Leong ^^

you say you understand
im sure u do!
but the truth is.
u don't.- not tat much
because your not me
i entered hell
ever since the day i opened my eyes
i live , i work for my own roof.
i live i work for my own clothes and food
i live i work to satisfy the others .
but one problem is,
my life,
it hard to solve
even if u tried helping
i won't let you.
even if its my own problems
i wouldn't risk that chance to get you guys into trouble.
even if you Could solve it.
its not worth letting you guys take the risk

to me,
i won't wnt to trouble friends

to me,
friends are important

to me,
lives of others are Precious then mine.

to me,
they are the only things that makes me smile





the chatting ended.

as i walked on home...

from school

i passed by the park we used to sit at and talk and played.i smiled over this flashback it was the nicest memory i had.i went ahead and sat on the bench. took a puff*i promised i wont anymore , but i had to release the stress*..i looked up the sky placed my hand as if im reaching for something, it was then i realised i...

was whipsering your name. and i was smiling so hard..

damn..:)

silly me..

it was nearly dark
i sat in the circled tunnel and read all the people who have been here
the things they wrote
so touching , yet jealousy filled me..

all the memories flashed backed into my head.
it hurt, so much just like a big yellow school bus

but ever since 1.1.2010
i promised myself
i would no longer cry
even if there was pain and hurt or happiness.

as the memories hit me like a brick wall

i smiled and cried and touched my chest
it hurts alot, but i enjoyed the pain

tonight , everynight it is always time to gather.
i wanna quit, they won't let me.
all i have to do is stay.

im tired.
of waiiting

im tired.
of sneaking out

im tired.
of this life

im tired.
for not having freedom

im tired.
of school

im tired.
of the bruises

im tired.
of the tears

im tired.
of your neglected love

im tired









...........of being alive

regrets and unforgotten moments?..

my life only exists for you

my life only exists for the pain

my life only exists for no freedom

my life only exists to assist others

my life only exists so i am misunderstood by my peers..

my life only exists to the tears of regrets

my life only exists to the unforgotten mistakes

my life only exists to the fake smiles i shower with people

my life only exists to accompany friends and family

my life only exists to love only one

my life only exists to wait till the time its my turn to go


day
day
day day
DAY!!!!!!

i think............

what went wrong?
it was me :)

night night night
as i walked by the park on my way out to our gathering point
my heart hurt..

as long as your happy
i'll stay out of your way



brandy...
when are you coming back?
so soon? u had to go?.....
:'(.....

'll be there till the stars don't shine

Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme

And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind

And I'll love you

- Always

i left you

you left me too

but the truth is..

you never really did

i still can't forget you.

I really need help.

1.minute
where that feeling gone to?? where had u go?.
ii'm sorry. Forgiive me..
even if its too late. just let me say,
even if its too late. i want u to know.
i still love you

i really can't let go
so long, since you've been missing
its good to see you again, how you doing?
how about we? dont let this happen again.



15 miinutes later..

I heard someone whisper your name, but when I turned around to see who it was, I was alone. Then I realized that it was my heart telling me that " I MISS YOU "......

another 2 minutes later

i dont know where i stand with you i dont know what i mean to you all i know is everytime i look at you, think of you all i wanna do is be with you ...

you even tried to rub it all over in my face?
do you know how much i loved you and still do?
you are fucking Breaking my heart over and over
apa lanjiao reason?

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME
YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME
YOU NEVER TRUST MY ACTIONS

your just a fucking heartbreaker i loved for so long
i still do.
it's hard for me letting go
easy for you? its just take and spit it out for you right?

well that sucks
one day your life will only be filled with regrets




goodbye.

all these old posts
are just xiimo's wiishful thinking

now i have to let them all go
i have to.
spending my life and time like this is just a waste
i will now smile and look forward to tomorrow
at least try to

but i hope one day
he will read through my blog
with his heart, over and over
i hope this blog will haunt him.

and understand my feelings tat i have towards him
and i would like to wish him all the best to him, his lover and his new life
goodbye.

btw.thanks for the way
you are treating me now
its so cold :)
i love it.

i'll try to let go
i'll try to fly up high
i'll try to love you no more
- impossible

i'll try..
no matter what.
i'll try



당신과, 계속해서 또다시 사랑에 빠졌는가? 저주, 나는 그런 지독한 바보이었다 .알게 다만 당신이 하기 위하여, 당신 성교 짧은 아이.!나는 당신의 지독한 장난감이 아니다.나는 당신을…. 귀중하게 사랑한 심혼이 있었다 그러나 당신은 그것을 계속해서 또다시 끊었다....그리고 당신 그것 다시 하기. 나는 당신을 미워한다. 그러나 나는 아직도 u를 사랑한다

xiimo는 배고프다!!!

MCFluriie를 원한다 ♥

☺

finding ways to escape reality
finding ways out of life
finding ways to get to serenity
finding ways to end my stupendity

i'm halfway blind
but i see you so clearly

i'm so weak
but i stay strong
- waiting for you

early in the morning
i look up the morning sky
the birds flew by.

mm..
thats the feel and taste of freedom
i placed my hand up high.. i let the sun beat down on my palm
the warmth, it feels so nice
yet temporary , when can i have it permanently?

have u ever noticed
when u cut yourself,
the pain it stays forever,
the scars it lasts forever.
the memories, it never ever dissapears and remains like a broken fragment?

but when u see happiness,
it feels warm
it feels nice
it feels like magic
it feels like u were the luckiest person in the world

but the feeling slowly dies,
but the feeling slowly fades away
but the feeling stays temporary
-it never stays so long

and the feeling from them slowly fades and they forget about you
they replace you with another Blooming flower
while they throw the whithering one away

have they not remember how much love it takes for a flower to bloom?
the hardwork put together
the time of companion to grew.

and the feeling turns to bad memories
and the bad memories turns to pain
and the pain turns to tears
and the tears turns to scars

its like a whole life cycle



while freedom
is something that doesnt come by everytime
only once in a lifetime
it come and go,

and that very time,
i didn't had a chance to grab that freedom
it was the only key to my cage .

now i only live the life from what the people plan for me
now i only live to satisfy their work and happiness.



while chatting over with my friends
i managed to smile with reason
i thought to myself
this feeling of companion and friendship
its been so long..
how long?
how long has it been when we sat over drinks and Roticanai?
and talk over our life?our feelings, our love life, our troubles our memories
that very moment. i managed to capture an image in my head
and save it up . in my disk heart.
then it came to the subject about HIM.

how long was i the one chasing ?
2years over..
the tears i cried over him
- i was a fool

the times i never had a mood
- i was an idiot

the times i kept all to myself
- he never understood.
- no one did.
- even him
- i never gotten over him.till today.
- i still love him. yes im stupid. i just cant stop
- i never showed it though, i just kept silent, and loved him from the shadows; i was always invisble
- no matter the rejection and hurt. i just kept going
- somehow, something kept me going on.


my friends my family
they misjudge me for who i am
who i look like
who i act like

they are wrong
they know nothing
how could they?
they are not me
i always did things for others
but never paid for return , never known i was the one , the doing of the deed
instead i get cold stares like i was the one to blame
i worked hard for their happiness , they never knew,
i went through so much, just to kept them smiling,
they disliked me for what they think i never did.

i never cried, i never hated them back
i just stayed who i was
i just stayed and i never changed
i just stayed and kept on smiling
but my smiled never reasons
i just stayed and kept on helping
- they need me. and i want to do it.


from this conclusion
xiimo will always love them
as in friends,
him
family

no matter what they think of
no matter what they do to me
no matter what they say about me
no matter how they think of me

i'll always be there for them
because i know what's the definition of

true love- it's the closest feeling to magic? yeah BULLSHIT. its a kind of feeling you will get temporarily, but then with the love and companion over time, it starts to grow deeper and stronger, with that hardwork, you know what you want, who u want to be with till the end, that lasts a lifetime. and at that very moment, u know u will always remember, never forget and ALWAYS never ever giving up no matter What it is And who it is For. Because in life. We were given a heart to use it in proper ways instead of misusing what we are capable of having and using

Friends- no matter who they are, you know what to do, when they are really true. u will always guard them through a lifetime. Bloodbinds

Family- they were the one that raised u from the start. they were the one that brought u into this life. all you have to do. is be with them through a lifetime all they way. and showering them with endless love and care, no matter what treatment we get.



at this moment as i type
they were also days, when i think i wanna end it
on the very spot. but when i think it through. why not let fate
decide my life. let it come and soon i will go :)


goodnights.