부서지는 미소

This emptiness is eating me up alive
This guilt is ripping me up to bits
This despair and sadness is driving me insane
This hope i always believed in just sank like a paper boat

never thought that i would fall in love
as it all started from just a simple crush
as i thought i could find someone ,
a guy i could trust, but i guess that wasn't enough
Bitter and sweet,
that is how its supposed to be.

From day to day,
night to night,
my hands were never warm
but remained icy cold.

my smile was never sincere,
my smile never reasoned anymore
its just something i plaster on to hide this emptiness
my eyes lost its sight to the one who broke my heart
my hearings became deaf , as your sweet voice pierces it with lies and betrayal
my dreams, my hopes shattered like a broken tea cup only revealing the spilled mess
my heart became black and was stripped away of emotions and reasons
now i remain a defect, an unfinished experiment , an unwanted substance
A Puzzle that has lost its missing piece. .

To love
is to either break someone's heart
or get yours broken; badly

not to love
is to either feel empty but safe
or to envy others.

as i looked backed into my past memories
i have noticed i had broken so many's heart
due to the insufficient time i can spend with them
long distance, too busy, or either i got cheated..
remaining and standing as a solo
u share no pain with anyone else but bears with it alone

for this i will go all the way around.

after work, it was around 12am i supposed?
i was dead tired yet i needed to take a stroll and inhale in fresh air.
it wasn't cold it was warm.
but i was always feeling icy cold.
even under the hot beating sun. as my friends lay a finger on me.
they jerk off and said i just came out from a freezer.
as i walked to the park
i sat on the swing
it was dark and gloomy with just a pinch of dark blue liight.
i stared up and settled my eyes at the sky
isn't it nice and vast, i wish i could settle myself in the dark
i won't have to hide because i can't be seen anymore.
i ziipped up my hoodie and took my hands out from my pocket and looked at my palms
they were pale like white and icy cold. i do not get it. .
its so warm yet i am so cold, yet i get constant fevers.
and when i laugh. my heart aches, like i do not deserve to laugh
i stared back into the dark sky and i say a big glitter,
a star. . its so rare to see in KL .. The city of Mirror, the city of heat. The city of light
where there is no night. .
lovely.
a star that every kid wishes upon on.
i closed my eyes and made a wish.
i wished my brother Frank would suceed in life
i wished my existense was never true.
i want to dissapear.

as i close my eyes i see nothing but pain
pain directed to smiles
The stress the pressure. everyone giving to me
i can take it. is that enough?..
my limit is coming near.
i wish to dissapear soon.


i wish i was blind
i wouldn't have to see the sufferings brought to my sights

i wish i was death
all these arguements screams and hurtful words wont be brought to my ears

i wish i couldn't talk
i can shut Up the whole life till the day it comes i close my eyes; forever

i wish i was senseless
when They beat me, The bullies , my parents i wouldn't feel a thing .
i would just bleed and die without pain


i owe many apologies to so many people
to the ones i have hurt.
but haven't you thought that before it was my doing
u started and ignited the fire first?
u caused me double damage.
now i'm broken.

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부서지는 미소
Broken Smiiles

Xiimo