☺

finding ways to escape reality
finding ways out of life
finding ways to get to serenity
finding ways to end my stupendity

i'm halfway blind
but i see you so clearly

i'm so weak
but i stay strong
- waiting for you

early in the morning
i look up the morning sky
the birds flew by.

mm..
thats the feel and taste of freedom
i placed my hand up high.. i let the sun beat down on my palm
the warmth, it feels so nice
yet temporary , when can i have it permanently?

have u ever noticed
when u cut yourself,
the pain it stays forever,
the scars it lasts forever.
the memories, it never ever dissapears and remains like a broken fragment?

but when u see happiness,
it feels warm
it feels nice
it feels like magic
it feels like u were the luckiest person in the world

but the feeling slowly dies,
but the feeling slowly fades away
but the feeling stays temporary
-it never stays so long

and the feeling from them slowly fades and they forget about you
they replace you with another Blooming flower
while they throw the whithering one away

have they not remember how much love it takes for a flower to bloom?
the hardwork put together
the time of companion to grew.

and the feeling turns to bad memories
and the bad memories turns to pain
and the pain turns to tears
and the tears turns to scars

its like a whole life cycle



while freedom
is something that doesnt come by everytime
only once in a lifetime
it come and go,

and that very time,
i didn't had a chance to grab that freedom
it was the only key to my cage .

now i only live the life from what the people plan for me
now i only live to satisfy their work and happiness.



while chatting over with my friends
i managed to smile with reason
i thought to myself
this feeling of companion and friendship
its been so long..
how long?
how long has it been when we sat over drinks and Roticanai?
and talk over our life?our feelings, our love life, our troubles our memories
that very moment. i managed to capture an image in my head
and save it up . in my disk heart.
then it came to the subject about HIM.

how long was i the one chasing ?
2years over..
the tears i cried over him
- i was a fool

the times i never had a mood
- i was an idiot

the times i kept all to myself
- he never understood.
- no one did.
- even him
- i never gotten over him.till today.
- i still love him. yes im stupid. i just cant stop
- i never showed it though, i just kept silent, and loved him from the shadows; i was always invisble
- no matter the rejection and hurt. i just kept going
- somehow, something kept me going on.


my friends my family
they misjudge me for who i am
who i look like
who i act like

they are wrong
they know nothing
how could they?
they are not me
i always did things for others
but never paid for return , never known i was the one , the doing of the deed
instead i get cold stares like i was the one to blame
i worked hard for their happiness , they never knew,
i went through so much, just to kept them smiling,
they disliked me for what they think i never did.

i never cried, i never hated them back
i just stayed who i was
i just stayed and i never changed
i just stayed and kept on smiling
but my smiled never reasons
i just stayed and kept on helping
- they need me. and i want to do it.


from this conclusion
xiimo will always love them
as in friends,
him
family

no matter what they think of
no matter what they do to me
no matter what they say about me
no matter how they think of me

i'll always be there for them
because i know what's the definition of

true love- it's the closest feeling to magic? yeah BULLSHIT. its a kind of feeling you will get temporarily, but then with the love and companion over time, it starts to grow deeper and stronger, with that hardwork, you know what you want, who u want to be with till the end, that lasts a lifetime. and at that very moment, u know u will always remember, never forget and ALWAYS never ever giving up no matter What it is And who it is For. Because in life. We were given a heart to use it in proper ways instead of misusing what we are capable of having and using

Friends- no matter who they are, you know what to do, when they are really true. u will always guard them through a lifetime. Bloodbinds

Family- they were the one that raised u from the start. they were the one that brought u into this life. all you have to do. is be with them through a lifetime all they way. and showering them with endless love and care, no matter what treatment we get.



at this moment as i type
they were also days, when i think i wanna end it
on the very spot. but when i think it through. why not let fate
decide my life. let it come and soon i will go :)


goodnights.